Thursday, March 19, 2009

Nightmare Nalgene


At the end of the month, I'm losing both my roommates. I'll miss them, but it also opens up the opportunity for me to question what actually happened above. Several weeks before Thanksgiving, my purple Nalgene bottle disappeared from the dish rack in the kitchen. My Nalgene adorned with both femme and feminist stickers, and glittery stars. Did I mention it's purple? And that both my roommates are straight males? So, it goes. Like many roommate matters, one doesn't want to bring something up (or cause a scene) unless it's worth the drama. Because I have a back-up Nalgene, I wait. Weeks go by, so many that it seems ridiculous to mention the Nalgene that disappeared before Thanksgiving. So, I give up the purple Nalgene ghost.

I mourn the loss, I move on.

Fastforward to a few days ago when I wander into the kitchen and balanced precariously atop a pile of dirty dishes, it sits! Purple Nalgene. My heart beats faster, of course, but I know enough about guys and hygiene to assume that something that has been out of my sight for several months is probably out for the count. Nightmare Nalgene, I think. Against my better judgement, I grasp it tightly, twist the lid and smell. It smells pleasantly of mildly chlorinated city water. No funk here. And then my finger catches on something. Immediately below my KEEP ABORTION LEGAL orb is a weathered, 3 inch tall sticker of a grizzly bear, growling at me with his sharp, bloodied teeth. Where the hell did that come from?

Where has this Nalgene been?
What stories it must have to tell!

3 comments:

Sharon said...

How mysterious.

Amy said...

Thanks. You just accomplished the seemingly impossible task of making me smile today. See :)

janet said...

Yes, this bottle was taken over by someone who didn't know it was yours, so they took it as a Lost Nalgene and immediately began marking it as their territory. They must have had an urge to masculinize this Nalgene, to move from abortion to SOMETHING MASCULINE, so on went their sticker over yours. This bottle somehow ended up back in the possession of someone in your house, and seeing that this Nalgene wasn't theirs, put it in the stack of unclaimed dirty dishes. Ta DAH! Back to Eden, and happy for it! (Get that bear off me!!)